I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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