dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
