turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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