You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
