on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
