I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
