He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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