I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
