Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
