genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
