drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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