I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize