Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I can't put those talents on a resume
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
