i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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