I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
