She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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