How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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