after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
