and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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