I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
