margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize