Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
