also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Randomize
