im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize