sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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