I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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