another moral hangover. fuck.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
4 words: hood of his car
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
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