I want to stick my p in your. b.
there's paper in my vomit.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
