Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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