I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
