i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
