Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
