Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
