She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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