Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
so much tequila, so little girl.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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