Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
