Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
