And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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