CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Success! We fucked roommates!
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
