I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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