so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
ugly people sure do ruin things
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
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