apparently the secret to your success is patron
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
