The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize