uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
