i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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