i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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