I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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