It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
