Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
