I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
