yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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