Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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