My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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