Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
