It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
