I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
