You can't special order awesome
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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