She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
