I just threw up on my dentist
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
