never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
im holly from the hills drunk
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
