Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
