he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
