i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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