Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
