today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
