I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
