is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
