thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
