my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
