i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
