I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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