you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
