PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I need a beard to bite.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
His nipple licking is glorious
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
