they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
