yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
