And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
