Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
