I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
