3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize