Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
