That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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