and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I think I just sharted jello shots
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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