I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
