If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Randomize
