I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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