Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
