I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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