We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
