Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
