Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize