yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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