btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
