I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Jerry, you need to find god
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
