even my farts smell like vagina
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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