just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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