whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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