If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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