What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
