She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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